Arugula flower from my terrace
Lately, I have been thinking about using awe as a tool to stay more present in my life. I watched this reel where the American writer Caroline Paul talks about learning from birdwatchers, who look at the same brown bird with a sense of awe every single time. I could relate to that. A couple of days ago, I spotted a rufous treepie - a long-tailed bird with yellow back - on the tree right outside my window. It’s a fairly common bird, but it gave me immense joy. My friend told me that it’s called olanjali in Malyalam because it dances on the palm leaf, and I thought it was beautiful. One thing led to another and soon I was tearing up listening to Olanjali Kuruvi, a song from the Malyalam film 1983. Is this what being in a state of awe does?
I wrote about something similar in the previous newsletter - adding joy to my cooking to be more present; memories from years ago, but I feel that these themes or phases of my life keep coming back at different points. Once again I find myself scrabbling for joy in cooking and eating.
A couple of days ago I met a friend for lunch. While trying to decide where to eat, she suggested Mazaar, the Afghani restaurant in Delhi and also one of my favourite places to eat at. I haven’t eaten there in a while so my ideal response should’ve been that of excitement. But, it wasn’t. I was excited to meet my friend, but it could’ve been any place as far as food was concerned. When we met, I let her order. I did not eat much either. A week before that I met another friend for lunch; a lovely Vietnamese place. Food was great, but I felt nauseous by the end of the day.
At home too, I have not been too excited to cook lately. If you ask me to trace back to a few days to tell you what I ate, I wouldn’t remember. I usually do. I am also usually excited about cooking my daily meals. But these days I am also okay to eat poha for dinner. Taking pictures of my food and sharing on social media has felt forceful. I am eating full, nutritious meals though, but treating the act of cooking and eating like any other chore, like brushing my teeth or folding clothes. I do not have a specific, exciting answer to the question, “what do you feel like eating”, because honestly anything will do. I do not know how to bring the “craving” back into my life. I like to have cravings. Pardon the cliche but it makes me feel more alive. Like Mirza Ghalib, I too want my table be adorned and my soul be comforted. And these two often go hand in hand for me. What I am feeling right now is probably akin to a writer’s block.
But, today morning the sense of awe struck back when I stepped out on my terrace garden to harvest the greens - just some arugula, spinach and lettuce. There, in the midst of arugula leaves, was a tiny bloom. I have never seen it before. It’s a small white flower, but it felt magical. And today, after a long lull, I am feeling a bit excited to make a little salad with my fresh harvest, and top it up with a pretty petite flower.
If you’ve reached here, thank you for sticking around and reading. I started Deep Fry in 2021 with a different idea, but couldn’t sustain for various reasons. I am now reviving it as a space where I experiment with my writing, which is centered around food but wouldn’t always be about food. There will be personal essays - long and short, commentary on food, stream of consciousness writing and maybe sometimes I will cook or eat something phenomenal and write about it. So please read, leave a comment and let me know if any of my writing makes sense to you. Tell me even if it doesn’t make sense to you.
And, if you like it please share it.
I haven’t had a chance to read much this month, but there’s one essay that I enjoyed.
This Vittles essay by Olivia Laing on the right to eat badly. To me it feels like an antithesis to my previous essay. Olivia is, actually, writing in favour of supermarket and ready-to-eat foods.
I am also constantly looking for reading recommendations so if you’ve read something - a book, an essay, an article - that has changed your life, please share titles/links in comments.
Hope to meet you soon here!
A big smile broke out as I read about the appearance of Aragula flower and suddenly felt like there was hope to my day. Thanks for restarting Deep Fry Shirin. :)